OK I should be asleep right now it is 3:30 am. I have four children who are all going to want my attention in just a few short hours but I just can't go to sleep without starting this. This blog is for all the moms out there like me, OK maybe not exactly like me, but if you really struggle with housework, mommy hood, and life in general this is for you. I arrived at this moment through a series of promptings and instances where I felt the need to change and lacked the power or motivation to do so. My life is chaos, most of the time I run around without a plan and without hope that it will get any better. I suffer from depression but choose to go to God with it rather than seek medication, however when I starve myself spiritually this plan doesn't work so well. I am talking about laying in bed for four hours straight in the middle of the day, willing myself to move or do something but just not feeling able to do it. This isn't an everyday occurrence but rather an example of my worst days. The majority of my days are spent combating the constant battle of keeping house, Laundry, Dishes, Vacuuming, Sweeping, Etc. Etc. Etc., well you get the picture. Most days I fail at this miserably, yes the dishes get done once, not including my pots and pans, which get cleaned when needed or once a week, usually the later. The laundry gets washed but seldom folded and put away in the same day. The sweeping and vacuuming are a must with four kids but gets done every other day. I am going to include pictures so you can get a clear picture of what I am talking about. I am going to be candid, this is not pretty! Every surface is cluttered and covered with papers, books, odds and ends. My kitchen, nor my bathrooms would pass a health inspection. Sad but true. I try to balance this with homeschooling my two older children Trinity age 8, and Elijah age 6, and preschooling my 3 year old Isla-Grace in a group that meets twice a week, and keeping baby, 20 month old, William safe from the next impending disaster. I also have church callings which are voluntary but necessary to my peace of mind, knowing I am serving God in some capacity although small is always good. I know what you are thinking, right about now, half of you are saying to yourselves is this woman crazy?!!! (Hopefully some of you are nodding your head and saying that is so me, or else I guess I am really crazy.) That is where the spiritual journey comes in, I truly feel it is my God given mission to be a stay at home full-time mommy, and to homeschool my kids. Every time I pray about it I get the strong conviction that this is what I am supposed to do with my life, however the conviction and the action aren't in sync just yet. Really in reality I am probably doing the best I can most days but my best just isn't cutting it. What I really need is to let Heavenly Father and Jesus step in and change me, make these weaknesses, strengths and heal me.
To be frank, some of it is just plain slothfulness. I start off my day with good intentions but get sidetracked checking my email, researching something or other, or get blindsided by the current mommy crisis. Take the other day for example, I came down with a bad case of Mastitis, unable to get out of bed, fever chills, the whole nine yards, the kids ended up watching movies all day, while the younger two managed to make the entire house look like a tornado ran through it. I finally called in my mother-in-law (the next day) for reinforcements, when the babies came down with the flu. I got to the doctor for some anti-biotics but once I was feeling better I had to clean up the tornado disaster zone and catch up on everything else. So no sooner then I start to make some headway, my baby gets the brand new splurge box of organic alphabet pasta I just bought and pours it all over the kitchen floor. These itty bitty letters were everywhere, under the stove, refrigerator and cupboards, stuck to the rugs, stuck to the baby, ( I think I even found some in his diaper, not sure how he managed that) but you get the picture, a big mess. I feel like every time I get up I get knocked down again.
So what is my plan with this blog. I am going to take before and after pictures of the rooms in my house, everyday, and post them. This serves two purposes, it makes me feel better knowing that the mess I am facing today is not the same mess that was there yesterday, hopefully it is different laundry and different dishes and I am not just treading water, as I feel that I am most of the time. It also will show me if I am making any progress with my goal of becoming a better house keeper. Plus hopefully if you are like me it will make you feel like you are not alone, and if you are not like me then you can just shake your head in disbelief at the awful mess. Managing our homes is a spiritual endeavor and I am not going down without a fight.
